Life ain’t no state of nirvana.

Summer is finally over. Well, for some of us anyway. University starts in a few short days for me and honestly, I’m really excited. This holiday has been a long one, I think a few of my brain cells have died.

Anyway, I am or rather was struggling with a ‘condition’ that is rather common among folks and is most often known as the “Who am I? What am I doing with my life phase?” Do not be fooled folks this can happen to anyone even the most self-assured person out there. It can happen.

It all started when I began having doubts about what I was doing with my degree course. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to pursue a career that would make the world a better place out there in whichever way I could. Hence, I chose something that I really liked and just pursued it.

The problem came when I tried really hard to get my head into what I was doing. Take the good with the bad, that sort of thing. I thought that if I just worked harder at it, I’d do better, like it more. Couple that with the first year jitters and I was probably the most freaked out person out there, practically a headless chicken running around.

As time wore on I began dreading going to classes because I hated it so much. However, I am such a stubborn person that I decided to see it through, I mean we are almost there, right? What’s another three more years?

Seasons passed, tests passed and life went on. I was becoming more restless and agitated. Why? Well, it turns out that I really liked studying just not specifically what I was studying. And, honestly, that scared the living crap out of me. What now? What am I to do going forward?

Let me tell you something. Life is an unpredictable little fudgestick. You are an unpredictable little fudgestick. There is no way of knowing what you are going to want three years from now, let alone tomorrow. School does nothing to prepare you for real life, for tough decisions, for anything that really matters in the end. Once you graduate from high school, you won’t only be thrown in the deep end of the ocean but in the middle of the shark infested waters while spiders are crawling all over you and a snake throttles your neck. 

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a bit but it’s the truth. You’re eighteen, you have to get a job or apply to university and are expected to make life changing decisions that would let’s admit, kind of guarantee that you become stuck in a rut for the rest of your life unless you have some sort of epiphany. It can be overwhelming, you come from a place where they passively-aggressively make all your decisions for you and you go along with it because it’s all you know. Then you graduate and they’re like “Bye! Good luck with life.”

What happens next is that you will be forced to choose a career path which would ultimately be based on a scorecard and a subject that you liked or because that job looks like it’s guaranteed to bring in piles of money. So you study it for three years, get a mediocre job after and then you live life until you’re thirty and have another epiphany, only to realize you’re back at square one.

So, why did I start off so happy only to go off on a rant about life’s unfairness? Well, that’s how my first year out in the real world was like. I realized pretty quickly that life is not just roses and lavender but also weeds and bombed seeds. Now, I know a little something about expectations and dare I say experience of life and myself but one thing is certain, I’ve still got so much more to learn. 

~Poppie Tee

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